#destiel out here easing mental illness

[nacvamp]

Unfortunately, Misha Collins is incredibly intelligent, funny, deep, charming, humble, egregious, fearless, and kind, and he restores my faith in humankind. Unfortunately, participating in spn fandom and letting myself be absolutely cringe-silly over pairings and fanworks has diminished my long-fought mental illness, given me access to joy and ease again, and I have hope for the future. Unfortunately, I am happy!!

[sharkfish]

2019 MONTHLY WRITING TRACKER

WORDCOUNT: 109,889 FICS POSTED: 21 (*plus tons of ficlets) 

i’m honestly super pleased with what i wrote this year. i wrote a ton of ace fics during pride, i explored some fun tropes, i finished some years-old wips, and i had a great time. thank you for coming along on this journey with me! i appreciate every single person who read one of my stories this year. 

i wish i could thank all the friends who supported me and my writing this year, but there are honestly too many and i would hate to leave anyone out due to faulty memory. i think y’all know who you are. i adore you. 

TOP 5 FICS PUBLISHED IN 2019

(and other stuff under the cut)

worth waiting - 1.5k 

“I’m going into heat,” Dean says in a rush. “And I wanted to ask — but Jesus, you’d hate who I am when…” He looks away, cheeks flushing, and lets out a hollow laugh. “I’m not even sure you like regular me.”

i’m always thinking about what non-sexual needs alphas & omegas might have during their mating cycles. a lot of mate-y stuff - nests, scent marking, nurturing, just touching. this one and my #2 fic are both about that. :) 

honeysuckle - 4k

“Your omega’s here, ok? Everything’s ok.”

Cas closes his eyes and leans a little into Dean’s solid warmth. His omega is here. He can smell them all over each other already.

“You made me such a nice nest, too.” Dean’s voice is low, honeyed and soft. He smells sweeter, it hangs thick and heavy in the air. “Show me.”

cas is an ace alpha who asks demi omega dean to join him for his rut for all those non-sexual needs. i like this one a lot! 

all the other things - 8.5k

Cas isn’t prepared for this. There was training when he started with Specialty Services Company, but not the kind of training that would make him ready for easing Dean out from under the hands that have hurt him. There’s something hidden but singing under there, if Cas is good enough.

i don’t see a lot of bdsm aus (where everyone is born as either a dom or a sub, and they generally don’t do well if they go long periods of time without dominating or submitting in some way) in this fandom, but i was excited to write one myself! i also adore sex worker aus so this scratched more than one itch. :) also, it’s the softest. 

the only permanent thing - 8.5k

When Dean looks down, he’s shocked he hadn’t noticed it before. The bunting that has lived under the soft dip of his elbow his entire life, frozen in flight, is perched on a branch covered in leaves.

The bird isn’t moving now, but sometime last night he did, and sometime last night he was given a place to rest.

apparently i worked on a lot of fun tropes this year! this is a soulmate mark one, where the marks are like tattoos that come alive when your soulmate is near. featuring mental illness, neurological illness, and demi cas.

ace high - 4k

Cas takes a deep breath, closing his eyes. “I’m sorry. I’ve never done anything like that before. I swear I’m not…”

“Trying to disrespect my chastity?”

i’ve been wanting to write more beta characters and here we are! they’re coworkers and there’s only one bed. you can probably guess how that goes. i apologize for the misleading title - there are neither aces or drugs in this one. 

BOTTOM 3 FICS PUBLISHED IN 2019

in the brutal rain - 1.5k (dcj)

Cas has always been “not quite right,” as his and Jimmy’s mother put it, so it was a shock to find out that Dean was interested in him in the first place. Jimmy’s usually the one that people like, while Cas stands off to the side, looking at flowers.

Was that hesitation before inviting Cas along? Was that a grimace when Cas embarrassed them in front of their friends? Are there whispers when he leaves the room?

cas is an anxious wreck (and grey-ace), jimmy’s nb, they’re all grossly in love. this fic is basically about cas haven’t an anxiety attack and his partners being there to support him. :) 

tough love - 2k (dcs)

Cas goes willingly into the chair in the corner, inhaling deep to scent Dean’s arousal spiking as Stiles stalks to him. “Don’t touch my mate,” Cas snarls, and he sees the delight twitching at the corner of Dean’s mouth to hear it, before Stiles grabs him roughly by the hair and kicks his legs out from under him.

when dean’s in heat, they call up their friend stiles and play a little game. i didn’t really expect anyone to read this one since it’s connoncon and Impure Destiel. but i had fun writing it! 

most perfect possession - 4k

“Hey,” Dean says, grinning. “I kinda like you.”

“And you’re willing to announce it to all of our friends and loved ones.”

“Let’s do this.”

beginning of the riptides sequel! i feel like i didn’t “market” this right so probably none of the riptides readers saw it (and it’s still marked as a wip). tell your friends!